holding the pieces of my heart
by incense-whiskers
Summary: only you, she smiles and he breathes again/severusxlily, AU, a five-and-one deal: Lily saves Severus five times and the one time he returned the favor.


_Disclaimer: I don't own HP. Sorry. _

_Author's note: a what-if scenario._

_Summary: only you, she smiles and he breathes again/severusxlily, AU, a five-and-one deal where Lily saves him five times and the one time he returned the favor._

* * *

><p><em>i<em>

_gentlemen don't swear_

"You were a bastard today," she said quietly. "I was only trying to help." The flush that was already blooming in his cheeks went even darker, and he tucked himself further into his hair, his scruffy school robe and his curved shoulders.

"I'm sorry," he muttered. "I didn't mean it." And he didn't.

She stared at him, arms tucked under her breasts and watched him. She knew he didn't. It was an accident, like when Petunia called her names when she was upset. What happened today would make _anybody_ upset, it was making her upset how everybody laughed at him. He's never called her names before and he picks her for lab partner in Potions because he trusts her not to mess with him in his favorite class. She drums her fingers, ignores the Pink Lady sighing and eyes her friend once more.

"I'll forgive you," she says. He doesn't dare to look up. "But I trust you to be a gentleman Sev, don't ruin that. The Marauders are beneath you, and I know none of you like each other but please - don't stoop to their level."

He blinks. _A gentleman? Him?_

Lily smiles up at him, reaches for his hand.

"Let go see if the kitchens have any cocoa."

* * *

><p><em>ii<em>

_guarding your flank_

"No thank you," she smiles sweetly. "I'm partners with Severus." James scowled.

"Well then, are you going with anyone to Hogsmeade on next weekend?"

"Severus and I are planning to go and look at the Apothecary, we're running low on a couple of ingredients for our potion's assignment," Lily flips through her History of Magic textbook, finger skimming down the page. "James? Why don't you ask Heather?"

"Because I want you Lily Evans." He snaps, just around the corner, her partner's feet fall still and his fingers wrap tightly against the books he found in the stacks. Lily looks up at her fellow house-mate and her tone is quite cool.

"Well I don't want you James Potter," her back is straight, her simple plait running down along the curve of her spine. "And you're going to have to get used to it. You're a narcissistic bully and I deserve better than you." Potter laughs in front of his glare and draws the attention of the others – a couple of Hufflepuff first years, a pair of Ravenclaw fifth years.

"And you believe that _Snivellus_ is a better catch that I am?" he sneers. Given the position that Severus is standing in he does not see the fluidity of her movements, how her wrist snaps and her lips snarl out her hex and her palms push Potter back into another table.

"Don't you ever call him that again James Potter," she hisses. "You will regret it."

James Potter, face disfigured with multicoloured boils on his face and arms, turns and flees.

Severus comes from behind the stack, face passive. Lily turns and smiles at him brightly.

"Did you find anything good?" she asks. "I cannot find anything useful in the textbook."

* * *

><p><em>iii<em>

_dignity_

"Severus?" His hand is pale and clammy, the bruising a violet shadow against his face. Remus Lupin is safe in the Shack now, restrained and suffering under the full moon. She does not know where Peter and Sirius and James are now and she knows that nothing will happen – because the Headmaster will never do anything.

She strokes the back of his hand and tries hard not to focus on the bandages wrapped up and down his arm.

"Please wake up," she whispers. "It's okay."

The Matron clears her throat apologetically. Lily knows she cannot stay, knows he'd hate her to see him like this. Severus clings so stubbornly to some false belief that he must be invincible and there is no way she can overcome it. So she lets go of his hand and promises to see him in the morning.

Then she stalks back to her tower in a barely constrained murderous rage.

* * *

><p><em>iv<em>

_career advice_

"What are you going to do, after NEWT's?" she asked, nibbling on the end of her sugar quill. He shrugged. On their table lay a plethora of career brochures and applications for further studies into academia in apprenticeships or degree programs. On top of those was a rather beaten crossword from the _Daily Prophet_. She scribbled in 3-down and crossed it off the list. He scowled and filled in 14-across and 8-down.

"Probably an apprenticeship," he said vaguely. "I'd like the freedom to extrapolate on my ideas properly." She hummed in response and counted the letters for 2-across and frowned.

"I'm thinking of applying to the university," she replied. "It's probably the Muggle-born in me, but I think I'd like to get a degree. Do research."

"I'm thinking of going into Defense too," he said off hand and filled in the right word for 2-across. "I'm good at dueling and curses and I liked that class."

Lily froze. Severus as an Auror? No, he had too much raw talent and with the rumors that she was hearing and the boasts of James and Sirius – no, he would never thrive there.

"You should do Potions," she said finally, once she'd convinced her heart to beat again. "Professor Slughorn is an idiot, the only reason I took the Potions NEWT was because you made it worth something."

"Really?" Severus asked, surprised etched onto his face. Lily grimaced.

"It's like – Slughorn's approach to perfume is like a woman putting on cheap perfume and your approach is more refined, like a glass of red wine. He makes Potions look like a joke and it's a shame because there is so much more to Potions than what he makes us see." she said, filling in the last answer, 28-diagonally.

"I think you'd like the enchanting programs at Glasgow," he said slowly, failing to keep his blush under control. "Flitwick likes you - he'd probably even agree to let you study under him if you wanted - and it's the class you like best."

* * *

><p><em>v<em>

_tall tales_

"He's not here right now," she said calmly, hand wrapped securely around her wand. "He didn't say where he was going but he did have errands to run and the crowds are busy this time of year."

Malfoy glared haughtily at her. Lily smiled pleasantly back. The grip on his cane was white-knuckled.

"I'll tell him you called though," she promised. "Now, if you'll excuse me, dinner's on the stove and I don't want it to boil over..." The Pure-blood in him rose to the surface like a well-mannered snake for a charmer.

"Of course," Malfoy replied, dipping his head. "Do tell Severus that I called. It is... a rather urgent business matter."

"Of course. Happy Hallowe'en."

She closed the door, sighed and walked back into the kitchen.

"Odd," Severus remarked mildly. "I haven't had business with the Malfoy's in years." The baby babbled happily on his lap, gumming on his father's vest-buttons.

"I know," Lily frowned. "But I was not letting that man in my house."

"I gathered as such by your falsehood, you don't lie unless you have too," his dark eyes swept over her tightly clutched wand and the empty stove. "Are you alright?"

"I'm frightened Severus." she whispered.

"These are dark days," he agreed. "All the more reason we should be getting ready to leave for that dinner you _insist_ that we must go to." Lily scowled.

"She is my sister, Severus and we are going to her birthday dinner!"

"She's a bitter little cow and her lights blind me."

"We're still going, and you're going to be _nice_."

(Later that night, while they were at Petunia's for dinner, the Dark Mark was cast over their battered and trashed house and Alice and Frank Longbottom were found dead in their own.)

* * *

><p><em>i<em>

_blood is not thicker than water_

"Lily?" he asked hesitantly. Her fingers trembled. "Are you alright?" Her nod is jerky, forced.

"Everything's fine," she replied, picking up her scattered books.

"This is a rather poor example of _fine_." he noted, stooping to reach for her far-flung case of quills and ink.

"They say I'm not a true Gryffindor," Lily whispered, head bowed. "That I am a house-traitor. The girls won't let me back into our dorm and nobody will talk to me. I don't have any friends."

"No dorm." he echoed. She nodded.

"No House." he said, crouching down beside her. She nodded again.

"No friends." he said tightly.

"Only you." she smiles, and he breathes again.

"Come on then Lils, let's find Slughorn. For all his wasting of our air he's rather good at getting what he wants." Severus says as he stands up and holds out his hand.

Lily blinks back her tears, smiles up at him and takes it.

_-fin_


End file.
